3 posts tagged “life”

today i made a meal that everyone loved... it was paella with lots of veggies and chicken...

with the help of Big T we won everyone over...

i'm actually proud because a lot of my other meals have been just ok...

i think Big T helped me out a lot... she kept on praising me and telling me that i was making the best meal ever...

i was thinking after the meal about what i do good and the things i give up on...

usually it takes the approval of others for me to want to excel in something...

it's always been like that...  i crave other's opinions... and i usually let it affect me...

if people tell me how great i'm doing with something i end up doing really great at it...

why do i have to be like this?

why can't my approval be the only one that counts?

having someone pat you on the back is nice but they wont be there all the time...

i need to find my own passion for life...

i need to stop living for others...

what makes me happy?

what?

i just need to find out what that is... and forget what everyone says...

if people tell me i'm doing wrong... i can't let that stop me... and i can't crave for approval because it wont always be there...

yeah

kiwi

confusion

i've dug my grave

i lost all hope

i've lost my friends

i'm quickly reaching the bottom

i just need to have my financial situation to become worst and the few people who are sticking by me to give up on me...

and then i will truly have nothing

but i do have these people

i do have hope

the question is

"how do get myself out of this?"

and

"what needs to change?"

i'm not sure

change is up to me

and now that i'm getting closer to a rock bottom i need fight for my life

love

kiwi

i might be getting worst...

i started smoking again...

last night i drank a 5th of Jack Daniels and smoked tons of cigarettes...

and today i bought a pack of Camel Lights..